Maximumchan in Wonderland
by beanpaste-chan
Summary: Max falls down a black hole, and finds some really familiar characters.... Alice in Wonderland kinda crossover. My first ficcy, so don't kill me with bad reviews, 'kay? Rated T for cursing and Fang's cross-dressing.
1. Down the Rabbit? Hole

My first ficcy! Yay, I'm so proud! I'm proud, so proud...

As far as I know, I'm not a middle-aged man, so I don't own Maximum Ride. Or Alice in Wonderland. Enjoy, readers! I'll try to add more soon!

* * *

Max was slowly, slowly falling asleep. She was in the middle of a park, surrounded by cherry trees dropping their beautiful light-pink petals, and her friends.

"Max, you tired?" asked Nudge.

"Neh, I'm just..." she yawned. It was very warm, and the day was making her feel sleepy and stupid. "Wow, I guess I am a little tired..." She yawned again, and added a luxurious stretch to her yawn.

"Go on, take a nap. We'll just go fight some Erasers while you sleep," Iggy said sarcastically.

"Thank you, that's very reassu-r-r-r-ring," she yawned again. And she curled up on the ground and slept. Or so she thought. It felt like she had just woken up, then she saw something strange.

"Guys," she asked, "did you just see that?"

"See what?"

"I thought I just saw... Jeb in a bunny suit." She looked again, and he was there again: Jeb, her father, in a pink bunny suit.

"Wow, Max, what drugs are you on?" asked Fang, and everybody laughed.

"No, really! I just saw him, and he was, like, in a pink bunny suit..." She suddenly realized how ridiculous her statement sounded, and she stopped. "I'm gonna go check this out. I might just be hallucinating or something." So Max got up to follow the bunny-suited Jeb. He was hopping around, sniffing at the clover and grass in a most un-Jeb-like manner, until a loud, annoying beeping sound could be heard. Max got up closer, and could see the zipper on his suit. She could also see bunny-Jeb remove a large, lime-green digital clock from the pocket of his bunny suit.

"So that's what was making the noise," she muttered.

"Oh crap, I'm late! I'm late, late, and late! The Queen will skin me alive!" He rushed towards a clearing, and then removed a small black object from his pocket. Jeb unfolded it; it was a circle, about six feet wide, and it seemed to be made out of black fabric. He laid it on the ground and jumped right into the circle. He _disappeared_.

Max inched closer to the circle. Suddenly, a force seemed to be sucking her into the circle. She grabbed onto a nearby tree, but it was no good. She fell into the black hole (for that is what it was) screaming "Oh craaaaaaaaaaaaap!" at the top of her lungs.

Max was falling, down, down, down... She screamed. Then she realized she was falling very slowly. She chanced a look at her surroundings.

"This is freakin' weird... I'd swear I was in a park a few minutes ago..." Oh, but she was no longer in a park. She was falling down a hole, but not just any hole. She could see LCD screen televisions on the walls, which were all focused on her. She noticed she was no longer wearing jeans and a t-shirt; she was wearing a short, frilly blue dress with a lacy frilly white apron over. Her long, blonde hair was put up with a small, dainty white bow on top.

"What the hell?" she screamed, aware that nobody was there. "I don't remember changing my clothes!" Suddenly, Max fell on a cold, linoleum floor. She could make out the shapes of test tubes, possibly filled with human bodies. And wires, lots of wires.

"Ohmygawd, this is creepy. I'm gonna get out of here." As if sensing her need to escape, a door appeared in front of her: the nice sort of sliding door that beeps when you go out.

"Well, that's a start," she said.

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How'd ya like it? There's a friend I'd like to you to meet, his name is REVIEW, PLEASE:)

I mean, really. I'd like you to review it. I hope it didn't suck!


	2. Enter the Cheshire Fang

On the other side of the door, there was a room.

"Where has Jeb-bunny gotten to?" Max asked herself. Then she saw: Jeb had gotten very small, and was rushing through a very small door. She bent down. There was no way she could go through that door! It was barely four inches tall.

"Drink the bottle," a bored voice piped up.

"What? Who was that?"

Suddenly, there was a table. On the table, a little bottle of what looked like 7-Up appeared with a little _poof_.

_Wow, that was convenient,_ Max thought. She reached out to drink the bottle, but then- "What if it's poison? What if Itex has something to do with this?"

A card appeared in front of the bottle.

_Max-_

_Drink me! Pleeeeeeease? I'll be your bestest friend forever and ever and ever and ever! _

♡_, the Bottle_

"Wow, that was really weird..." Max mused. "Aw, what the hell. If the bottle will be my friend, then I guess it's win-win for me!" She made a 'V' for victory with her fingers, not realizing how random the stuff she just spouted was. She gulped down the tiny bottle, and found she was shrinking... Soon, she was small enough to fit through the tiny door.

"Thank god my clothes shrank with me," she said, and ran through the door.

On the other side of the door, there was a huge forest. Max thought it was pretty nice, but she also thought it was lacking something...

"G'night," said the same bored voice.

"Excuse me? It's obviously not night, it's just..." she looked up, and saw the moon had come up and the sky was dark. "Oh. Um... show yourself!"

A figure stepped out of the darkness.

"Fang!" Max gasped.

"I'm not known by that name, Maximum-chan."

Max was partially true. The person who stepped out looked very much like Fang, but with a few differences:

a) He was wearing a pink-and-black striped jumpsuit

b) He was wearing pink kitty ears

c) he was wearing oversized pink gloves and oversized pink-and-black checkered Vans.

"What the hell happened to you? It looks like you were spit up by Hot Topic."

Pink-and-black-Fang decided not to answer that. "I am called the Cheshire Cat."

"Okay, whatever. Why are you here, anyway?"

"I was searching for One Piece-nya."

Max looked very freaked out. Fang had never spouted such otaku-like nonsense. "Well, that was weird talking to you. Bye."

The Cheshire Fang gasped. "No, you must stay! I was going to do the Hare Hare Yukai dance!" He snapped his fingers, and was immediately in a pink-and-black version of the Haruhi Suzumiya uniform. He started dancing and singing, quite well, actually.

"_Nazonazo mitai ni chikyuugi wo tokiakashitara _

_minna de doko made mo ikeru ne _

_wakuwaku shitai to..."_

"Augh, what the hell?! Stop that, it's creepy."

"But why?" asked the Cheshire Fang, and sat on the ground hugging his knees to his chest in a frightfully endearing pose. "Look, I even shaved my legs. Just. For. You," he whispered, gesturing to his nice, slender legs. They looked smooth and quite well-shaved.

"I don't care! Why the hell are you cross-dressing, anyway? It freaks me out."

The Cheshire Fang sighed, and snapped his fingers. He disappeared in a puff of smoke, and reappeared wearing his usual clothes. "It's called _cosplay_, like, okay? I LIKE cosplaying."

"Look," Max said, changing the subject, "but do you know where we are? I'm lost, Cheshire Cat, and I need to get back."

The Cheshire Fang winked. "I can take you back. But it'll be a long and perilous adventure, filled with pirates and orcs and chocolate factories..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just take me home."

"You're the man, m'lady!" the Cheshire Fang said, and smiled beautifully. Max blushed for a moment, while the Cheshire Fang reached for her hand. She took his hand, and they were off.


	3. Shrooms!

Wow, this is my second chapter today! Listening to Utada Hikaru really works wonders! I liked writing Fang as the Cheshire Cat! I thought it was cute to have him in the costume, so tell me what you thought of him, and Max as Alice:D

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The Cheshire Fang and Max had been walking for a while. A very looooooooong while.

"How... much... longer... is... this... hill...?" Max panted.

"Just ninety-forty-three more miles to go, Maximum-chan," the Cheshire Fang said cheerily.

"Hungry..." Max groaned, not willing to make complete sentences anymore. "Where... Mickey D's?"

"We don't have any McDonalds' here, Maximum-chan. That's why we're all so beautiful and thin."

"Where... Kmart? Where... Walmart?"

The Cheshire Fang looked back and grinned. "We don't believe in evil things like those, Maximum-chan. We live simple lives here, ayup." He promptly took out a PSP and started playing while waiting for his charge to catch up.

"Why... you have... PSP?" she panted, grabbing on to the back of his jumpsuit.

"I didn't say we don't have Maximum-chan." He put on a pair of hot pink goggles, screaming: "oh, you're gonna die, emo beastie!"

Max slipped to the ground, moaning. "So... freaking... hungry... Where... food...?"

"Just fifty-ninety-five miles to go until the next grocery store," he cooed sweetly. "If you're tired, I can give you a piggyback ride, if you like."

She was NOT going to rely on the Cheshire Fang. It was too much like relying on the real Fang. So she stood up shakily, and dusted herself off.

"That's the way, Maximum-chan. Just keep going. You can do it," the Cheshire Fang said emotionlessly.

"Do you have any energy drinks or coffee in your pocket?"

The Cheshire Fang looked at her witheringly. "Coffee is unhealthy, Maximum-chan. It stunts your growth."

She sighed. "Oh, what's that over there?"

He looked back. "It looks like... Igbar."

"Igbar?"

"Oh, we are so lucky! Igbar isn't usually here! O, lord of lords, O, king of kings!"

"Whenceforth hast thou come from, O, cat of cats, O, man of men?" was the reply.

"I come from the gateway door, O prince among shroom-sellers. I bring with me a fair maiden from another place, another world unlike our own." Max thought he sounded very pompous saying all this, and who wouldn't?

"Bring her here, O otaku of otaku."

The Cheshire Fang nudged her. "Go on, I'll follow you."

Max stepped into a clearing, saw a very tall someone on a crescent-moon-shaped rock, and almost screamed. The person looked exactly like her Iggy, albeit wearing an eyepatch and glasses. His eyes were milky-white, and webbed with white veins. He was blind.

"Why does he wear an eyepatch and glasses if he's blind?" whispered Max.

"It makes him look important, doncha think?"

_Not really,_ thought she.

The almost-Iggy was smoking an enormous hookah, inlaid with ivory elephants and white jade peacocks. He wore what looked like a white and red sari, with a few barrettes in his hair.

"Igbar, milord, this is her. Maximum-chan, step up."

She stepped up, and made an awkward curtsey. Igbar puffed out a great puff of red smoke, which turned into the word "**jklwerhggplppth**".

"Sir, I don't think you're using the right setting on your hookah," muttered the Cheshire Fang.

"Damn, the thing's been acting badly ever since I got it." The tall, saried boy kicked the hookah, and it finally puffed out a cloud of red smoke. It spelled "**g'night, Maximum-chan**."

"Thank you, mister Igbar, sir," said Max.

"No need to thank me." He turned, and looked at her. Then he lounged on his crescent moon-shaped rock and looked up at the sky. "The moon is beautiful tonight, O lady of ladies, O mutantess of mutantesses. May I see your wings?"

Max had almost forgotten she was a mutant freak, or had wings. She shyly unfolded her tawny feathers, and extended a wing to Igbar. He stroked the tips of her wing, and smiled.

"Yes, she is the one. She is Maximum-chan. I was certain you were just trying to annoy me, Cheshire Cat, but you were right." Igbar abandoned Max's wing and started stroking the Cheshire Fang's hair. "Yessir, you're a good boy, yes you are," he simpered. And the Cheshire Fang looked like he was enjoying it; he was purring and everything.

"What do I have to pay for some shrooms, O Igbar of Igbars?"

"Give me your red hat. Hand it over."

An exchange was made: a red hat for some ominous-looking mushrooms. Igbar put the red hat on, and the Cheshire Fang started gobbling the ominous mushrooms up.

"Now, Maximum-chan, for your pay.." He picked up the offending hookah, and threw it a length into some bushes. "Go get it."

Max stared with her mouth open, but then rushed off to bring the object back. She came back in a few seconds covered with leaves. She brushed herself off and grimaced. "Got it."

"Ha, that was worth it just for the look on your face," said the Cheshire Fang.

"Here ya go." Igbar handed over a large handful of mushrooms. Max eyed them warily. "Just eat them," advised the shroom-seller. "They're good for your memory."

She stuffed them in her mouth. They tasted terrible, bitter and sour and gamey. But then, they melted into oblivion, leaving her with a sweet taste in her mouth and a refreshed feeling in her head.

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Please review! Tell me how you liked Iggy as the catterpillar. I'm trying to bishiefy all the characters, which is fun. I liked writing Iggy in a red sari.

On a completely unrelated note, I had a dream about Fang some time ago! In my dream, he actually looked at me!!! SQUEE!!!! Ahem, well, anyway. I'll write more on this fic sometime soon! Byezz!


	4. What's Really Going on, Nekokun?

Another chapter, all right! Dang, I'm jus' cranking these things out. I was on short notice, 'cause father has to check the weather on the compy soon, but I think I did alright. Update on Mordor weather: It actually snowed! Yay! I'm gonna go play in it in the morning!

* * *

"So, thank you, O Fnick of Fnicks," said Igbar a while later. 

"Um... why are you thanking me, O hookah-smoker of hookah-smokers?" asked the Cheshire Fang quizzically.

"I dunno, actually. Well, anyway, have fun on your quest!"

Max cut in. "What makes you think we're on a quest?"

The boy took a long breath from his hookah, and then smiled. "Because you're wearing clothes somewhat unfamiliar to you, and you're walking around with a pretty guy with cat ears. Believe me, I know what signs of a quest are."

"Well, thank _you_, O... uh... your smexiness. Your assistance is valued, as always," said the Cheshire Fang, now turning away. He gestured for Max to follow, and they went off together.

"'O your smexiness?'" asked Max as soon as they got away from Igbar.

The Cheshire Fang sighed. "It must be the Valium talking," he muttered.

"Excuse me?"

He sniggered. "Nothing, nothing, Maximum-chan."

"And what is he, anyway? Why did you talk to him like that? Why does everybody seem to know me as 'Maximum-chan'?"

The tall boy raised a dark eyebrow. "Do you really want to know? Do you_ reaaaaaally_ wanna know?"

"Yes, no matter how horrible the truth is. I wanna know."

The Cheshire Fang took a deep breath. "Okay. Igbar, he's, like, kind of the Grim Reaper. He sells the shrooms to people. They're usually poisonous to people who are gonna die, but not to people who are still gonna live. He's pretty touchy, so I had to talk to him formally like that." He took another breath. "Okay, this is hard to explain for some weird reason." He laughed nervously, and shook his head. Overlong black hair, like soft, perfumed tentacles, spread out everywhere, touching, caressing, tasting the air. "Lessee... this all starts a while ago, before I was born. There was this person. She took over the world of Wonderland, and she's still ruling now. It's been... one night and a day since she took over."

"A night and a day? You weren't born a few days ago, I know that."

"Nights last a thousand years in Wonderland. Days last twelve hours. Anyways, she banned all things good in the world. Like, Dickies jeans, seven-league-boots, and Panic! At The Disco, because they weren't cute enough. And she made everything all cute. _Everything_. I was born a long while after she took over, so I had to be cute. All people born while she's reigning, they're all either cute, gorgeous, or smexy, like me."

"You're getting off track," Max reminded him. "What's this got to do with me?"

"Hold on, hold on! I'm getting to that. Well, sometime, there was a prophecy! The prophet predicted... Oh, wait, I have it on my iPod." He fiddled around in his pocket, then produced a pink 'Pod with a flourish. "See?"

A man's face filled the screen. He was a balding, middle-aged man, of about fifty or so. His voice rasped as he said... "A savior will come in the day after the long night! She will return, and depose the Red Queen! She _is_ the savior, and thou shalt know her as _Maximum Ride_. She will enter through the door to nowhere, borne by wind and feather, following a rabbit, and will stop the queen's reign of terror! REIGN OF TERROR!"

"Whoa, this guy is crazy." Max gave a low whistle. "If I can't save my own world, I can't save this one, F-Cheshire Cat."

"No, it gets even better. Y'see, this guy was raving by the time the cops got him, and saying he was somebody called 'James Patterson' from another world. Or channeling him. I dunno."

Max eyed him suspiciously. "And what do you have to do with this, Cheshire Cat?"

"I," the Cheshire Fang said, drawing himself up importantly, "Am an assassin, sent to help depose the queen."

Max gave him a blank look. "Huh...? What the hell?"

"Don't you see, Maximum-chan? She took everything fun and good and uncute from us. And made this world cute. I mean, our national anthem's a frickin' Morning Musume song, for chrissakes! I want to bring emo back. And not wimpy, half-assed Jonas Brothers emo, either. I want the real emo back. And I shall become famous and revered in the process."

"Dude, that makes almost sense... But not really. Anyway, let's go then. I guess we have a lot of work to do," said Max tiredly. "A thousand years of night. Jeezum, what was the author thinking..."

* * *

Emo is fun. I wouldn't really wanna be emo, but oh well. I learned that Drake Bell has really nice legs today. Cool. 

Review, dear readers! ;D


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